Pk2000's Weblog

when i say its a wrap its a wrap

pk2000 — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 00:35:06 +0000

well today was another day of old friends callin also old gals even family members i aint talk to. it all made me realise one thing that when i end somthing and call it a day i really never go back. i have to admit its coz of trust bcoz if someone does something to me like lie or hate or be cheap really annoys me and i cant forgive but if someone stabs me in the back its the end.

the thing is the ones that lie and the other stuff i can forgive to an extent but it gets to a point where theres no return and all them people that called today had reached that point.

sometimes i regret not chattin to them but again i look at it and think WASTE life is short i aint got tym to waste so peaceout to them people but what i do know is that them people are gone and ive noticed that with all my break ups or not chattin to friends im the one that wants it so just like when a movie finishs and a album is done and the director says its a wrap im the director with my life and wen i say its a wrap its a wrap so no regrets

oh one more thing i do here every thing that is beeing sed about me by everyone at the end of the day those of u tht know me know i get all the info so say it coz it just makes me stronger and more determined and for you haters yh i am ballin yh i got doe yh i have changed and it aint a front oh and im gettin my private plane licsense too so go ahead hate more

well i got to go now got to be at the hospital 2moz blood test brap

anyway in a bit

oppertunist

pk2000 — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:30:33 +0000

well its been a while since i wrote on dis thing dats coz ive got rid of most my problems and been in a really good mood dese days but 2day sumin made me click a lil see it didnt make me sad or angry jus made me think u see got a call from an old friend today he lives in canada with his wife and 2 kids his older den me use to look out for me wen i was young his been der for like two years now and it was weird how i was talkin bout him with my brother today anyway, he called to see how i was and we had a long convo 3hrs to b exact but during this talk it came to a point where he told me things about myself which i never thought he told me how determined and confiedent i was and how brave and all that shit wich i was lyk safe but den he tol me about my big problem. Now i thought this would b my anger but it werent he told me about how i dont take oppertunities how things are handed to me and are in front of me but i dont see them.

he was telling me how i could have had it all how right now i could be the girl of all girls and how i could have had my degree and had my businesses but i didnt take the oppertunities.

i asked him wot he was on about and he started one by one

“firstly the girls u went after stupid girls and even the cleaver ones you were smarter then wen u had a million girls in front of you who were perfect and you knew it and i knew it but u didnt want to fall for them and dont lie to me”

all true

then he went on

“u could have had your degree by now you could have been a Meng in aerospace but no you had to act like an idoit you had to let your pride get in the way and get kicked out of college for stupid reasons coz your not stupid u make every1 think you are but i know how cleaver you are so jus look at wot youve done u had that degree now you would have got a loan opend your business been doin wot you wanted but no again the P stupidity brain cell hit you and you threw it all away and only now are relising it”

every thing Nick sed was true i did throw it all away i did ruin my life and yh im single now coz i didnt give real gals a chance but the bit he really got me with was he sed take your oppertunities they only come once and once there gone there in the past no turning back only regrets so from now on think with your head not your dick or your pride coz all your doing is hurting yourself.

you know wot the guy is right all i do is hurt myself but im happy he sed all this coz now i actually realise take oppertunities and think about it boi its simple or is it well BIG UP NICK coz im not gonna hurt no more

in a bit

wot goes around comes back around ……………. sooner or l8r

pk2000 — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 00:30:12 +0000

well its happend wot i didnt want to happen has offcially happend i cant ever be normal no more my life is now infact insignificant and over no future jus fighting to live everyday dats y im taking care alot of things before the worse comes.

the sayin wot goes around comes back around comes to mind due to the wrongs ive done and how theyve all added up and piled up its all cum back in my face and im not gonna lie im scared and stuttering im havein panic attacks every so often i know wots gonna happen but i admit ive done good too over the last year ive helpd where i cud but obviously it never makes up and i regret it all but ive made sum ppl promise me things the most important out of them all is my brother being looked after and iv got that promise i dont care wot happens to me as long as he stays in this world and reachs the top and i cant type no more bcoz its fukin me up

bye

FALLING

pk2000 — Tue, 27 May 2008 00:06:39 +0000

well its happining again im fallin again for her that is i promised myself i wudnt never again and i was stickin to it but l8tly shes doing it shes impressin me shes saying things that are makin me go for her im not easily impressed but she jus knos wot i lyk wot i go for and shes feeding it to me but i dnt want to fall i dnt want to i dont want her but my heart is tellin me different today she sed to me even if the kid isnt yours i still want it to see a real man for it to look up i told her no and she sed she understood but she keeps feeding me things lyk im trying to learn iranian and she started dropin me things and i was lyk woooooooooaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh tellin me how she still goes out for iranian food how she was bare upset wen the ronaldo got injured or how she still is learning how to change gears without useing the clutch. and all this impressis me. She went to me i miss them massages u use to give me wen i was so tired and hold me in ur arms i felt protected and i look back to them days i was a diff person but i kinda miss them.

i mean if the kid turns out to be mine den yh i myt think bout being with her but if it aint im going to be so confused i dnt want to fall for her again sum1 help me i beg u dis gal is gettin to my hed and it wont go wot do i say to myself to forget her completely.

before i didnt use to pik up wen she called now i want to hear from her more but my mind tells me no but my heart says yh aghhhhhhhhhhhhh dis is doin my hed in agggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh forget it im off to hit da sleep maybe forget bout it

in a bit

the links

pk2000 — Sun, 25 May 2008 01:59:11 +0000

well 2day me and my friend were sittin in da car and we decided to see how man short relationships we had like between 2-3weeks and i basically doubled the score my friend had at first i found it funny dat i had doubled it but later on i started thinkin y did i go out wid so many and y did i break it off with them and it actualy hit me see almost all these links happend after my break up with u kno the ex and it hit me that i was actually comparing every girl to her abd i started thinkin how i let them go and it all resulted with them not meeting the expectations i had of them or in other words they werent like the ex.

now ive noticed i dont even bother any more to even try it with a girl unless there worth it coz i actually feel its tym i had a good relationship again.

oh and ive been on the font to the ex jus an hour ago and dis whole baby thing is gettin to me alot im jus tryin not to show it but hey im only human

anyway in a bit

lookin in the mirror

pk2000 — Sun, 18 May 2008 01:41:34 +0000

lookin at myself in the mirror i see that in the young age im in ive allowd stress and worries to come and make me feel old and thw worries and pains sit there in my heart and make me feel down and depressed and i know that the people who have left me arent alone no more and that they all sed one day ill leave u and forget about all the times we shared but at the end of the day i still feel for every1 and but all dats left with me is pictures and memorys of people once been in my lyf and no have gone and der all alive and kickn but dats da story of me people all cum jam and den go wen they see its best for them and pull away well i play dat i dnt care but infact i do it hurts and den sum ppl come back thinkin its all goood nah it aint coz ill never trust again once u do sumin even remotly lil to me i never forget i myt start trusting u again but never fully

wen will i kill these flames dat are burning me inside and till wen will i keep lookin at this fone to ring thinkin its them callin and den i relise and tell myself from now on im only gonna associate with ppl who like me for me and nothing else

so next tym i look in the mirror ill kno dat the flame wolud be put out and i wont ever think about them people again

anyway in a bit

1st of june

pk2000 — Sat, 10 May 2008 01:34:07 +0000

well da first of june is offcially gonna b a big day for me coz on da 30th of may i got my last exam and 31st i gt da big talk dis talk will determine my whole lyf and how it will go i still dont know i think ill get the answear im lookin for but u shudnt always be optimistic coz from wot ive found is nuttthin always goes the way u want it to but hey cant blame a guy for wishin right.

if i get the answear i want and need then i promise i know my life will be different no more smokin dats one thing coz i wont have this huge weight hangin on my shoulder and no more anger or regret itll be done with ill be over it ill be myself which is the most important thing being yourself and not sumone dat someone else wants you to be so thats wen the 1st of june comes in der will be a new me regardless if i get da answear i want den i can be who i want to be no anger no depression no not falling to sleeps

on the other hand though if i get the answear i dont want then its official im going to have to do wot is best for every1 act like a dikhead to dem so theyll stop speakin to me then eventually get them to pull away then go off and wen they see that im not there for them no more they wont be in much pain wen im gone

so im gonna repeat 1st june der will be a new me regardless

anyway in a bit

my final answear

pk2000 — Tue, 06 May 2008 00:32:11 +0000

2moz i will hopefully get my answear to all my pain and the answears can give me 2 feelings relif or grieve see if i hear wot i want thers no need to be scared no more and no reason for anger and disgust but if i hear wot i dont want to hear then i think ill go to an all tym low and my lyf will be crushed and hence my final answear so infact this could be my last blog or it could be the blog with my ultimate turning point well wot ever im not botherd about it no more jus gonna leave with sum words of advice

1. lifes short so do wot ever you feel is right have no regrets

2. dont think about past events and carry on forward past is da past

3. this is one the most important dont live comparing your self to people live to your own standerds and dont think people mistakes will haunt u specially your parents or family just coz your related doesnt mean your going to be lyk them you belong to you

4. dont have stupid arguements about things which dont matter again lifes too short

5. last but da most important one dont judge a book by its cover see wots inside the front cover might be colorful and cheerfull but inside could be sinster and corrupt where as a book could look scary on the outside and intimidateing but inside it could consist of stuff ud only imagine (guess which one is me lol)

well der u go der da rules u shud remember oh and another one is “guilty till proven innocent” yh i sed it dont trust no one in this world every1s guilty till proven innocent right (fish u shud no wot dat is)

anyway

in a bit

or maybe bye……………….

did i miss it

pk2000 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:55:44 +0000

well i did a bit of thinkin today and relised that u never know wot u got till its gone but the thing is wot u want could also be in front of you but u just cant see it you know u describe the thing you want and how it will help you and benefit you and all that stuff and its right in front of you but you dont see it and then wen u realise its gone and its too late i thought to myself boi ive had alot of them and everytym its gone and you know it comes to your mind a while after lyk wow dat was wot i wanted but damn i lost it and now that i was thinkin bout it ive lost a lot i potentially could have had but hey its either ment to be or not to be maybe

but my advice keep your eyes open and wot u want is closer then u think ( i just need to learn to take my own advice lool)

anyway in a bit

one day again

pk2000 — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:41:15 +0000

well its been almost three years and i still remember everything boi i called u my big bro and u called me the lil bro i remember the first day i met u i was 5 u were 11 i was sittin with a bunch of lil kids at khaleh maryams lil house gathering thing me being da youngest ones the other kids tryd pickin on me but i wouldnt have it fukin priks they were all lyk 9 and 10 pikin on me and one of dem tryed to cut my hair thats wen u came pushed dem and introduced your self boi from then we started i remember u always looked out for me dont know y but u did years went on i became 13 u were 19 and remember how we used to jam in your back garden u givein me advice bout gals and dats wen i had my first glass of henney jus kickin it me and you and me tellin u bout how im part of a crew and they all know u and even then u use to tell me u would be amazing in this hustlein game but its not for u get out of it pouyan and i use to say if its good enough for my big bro its for me too. i remember it all how u always had my back even wen i would fuk up you would tell me off then advise me.

ill never forget 2 months before u left us me and u had an arguement never forget wot u said “pouyan stop dis pull out before its too late youll become lyk me and never give up its not the way” and me being the fukin dick i am turnd round and sed “wot your jealous dat ive made it bigger then u your jealous that u taught me things and i became better and found new things to do and made it further in the ranks then you i never thought u would hate on me but its true in this business no ones friends their associates”

i saw the dissapointment in your face and sed fuk u and walked off how the fuk was i to know 2 months later you were gonna go i regret it i really fukin do and i wish insted i could have spent the last two months with u but ull be proud of me coz i gave it all up da day u went.

almost everday i wish u were with me standing next to me jammin we could have pulled out together i miss u man i wish i listend to u i was stupid i was a dik and i didnt mean wot i sed i was still a kid u made me a man but it was your scrafice that made me into a man and to think you never fukin tol me you were ill me pouyan that crushed me you were 22 cancer y the fuk didnt u tell me i thought u lookd diff but i thought lack of sleep.

you kno its fuked still to this day i drive past your house almost once a month but never have the strength to go in jus to see your mums face i hear your bedrooms still der the same i cant go in their and look at old pics of us or home vids i still got my pics of us but der all in a box cant look at dem hurts

i regret saying wot i say to u everyday and hope u forgiven me u tol me in my dream u have and dat your proud of me but i didnt get the whole talk bout a fox in my life.

i send flowers to your grave every sunday but u kno me i cant visit luv ones graves cant bare the pain.

i remember my mum screamin pouyan i wish one day ud have a kid lyk yourself but 10 times worse and me and u use to laugh in tears

bruv this is dedicated to you my brother i miss u and everyday i think bout you and one day will be together again drinkin the hennys and layin bk i luv you

and u kno its killin me writing this but this thing allows me to pour my guts out and it helps till again

your lil brother pouyan

RIP Masood ali-akabari 24/06/79 to 07/05/2002